I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
