it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
