I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
