the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
