One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
