Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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