oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
