My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
