fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
