I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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