I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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