Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
