If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
