You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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