i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Another day, another engagement, another cat
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
