dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
