you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
