I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
