She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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