and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
