She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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