I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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