Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
