You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
