She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
