Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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