And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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