I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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