I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
