No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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