Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
