I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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