i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
