Only a mothe r could love this liver
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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