found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
