I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
