he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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