The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
