it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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