dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
