The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
