Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
