I looked at my own cervix.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
