I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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