I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
