I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
