i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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