You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
