How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
