if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
