Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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